What's in a name? That which we call Morillon by any other name would smell like......... Chardonnay!

Cencibel, Ulle de Llebre, Aragonez, Valepenas, Tinto de Toro, Tinto Pais and Tinto Roriz. What do all of these things have in common? Well they are all names for the same grape and with the exception of three of them, these are names for the same grape in the same country. And by no means are these the only names for this grape. I have in my notes about thirty synonyms for this wonderful grape of Spain most commonly called Tempranillo.

There is this geeky thing on the web called the Geilweilerhof database that has every conceivable synonym for every conceivable grape on the planet that I visited it often when I was studying for the test I took in August in 2007.

I remember one of the questions on the test was “ What is Mataro called in France?”

Whatever! Well if I had not studied this weird quirky subject, I would have gotten that wrong on my test. (Actually I think I guessed at that one.)

In Austria common grapes have all sorts of silly names. Chardonnay is called Morillon and Feinburgunder but in France the aliases include Aubaine, Auvernat, Beaunois, Epinette Blanche, Petite Sainte-Marie and Weisser Clevner!

Also in Austria Pinot Blanc is called Weissburgunder and Klevner, Blaufrankish is known as Lemberger in Washinton State but it is also called Kekfracos in Hungary! And some of the other grape names, although they might not have synonyms in other countries are equally silly, Zierfandler, Rotgipfler and Blauer Wildbacher just to name a few.

Don't get me started on Switzerland! The most important grape in the country that makes fab watches, (and is a great place to keep your cash if you have lots) is Chasselas. But it has three different names, Fendant in the Valais, Dorin in the Vaud and Perlan in Geneva!

If you travel to Pourtugal some of the grapes of Spain have totally different names. Tempranillo is Aragonez in the south and Tinto Roriz in the area where Port is made. Mencia the grape of Bierzo is called Jaen. Garnacha (called Grenache in France and Cannonau on the Island of Sardinia) is called Alicante, but that’s not to be confused with Alicante Bouschet which is a cross between Grenache and Petite Bouschet.

Malbec is a classic grape of France that has about 34 different names including Pressac, Auxerrois, Cot and Grifforin. But as the black grape, Malbec is called Auxerrois in Cahors in Southern France. But Auxerrois in Alsace and Chablis is a white grape while in other parts of France Malbec is called Cahors!

Nebbiolo is called Spanna in Gattinara and Ghemme, Picutener and Pugnet in the Carema DOC of N.W. Piedmont and Chiavennasca in Lombardy. At least these grape aliases are confined to the same area of Italy!

Welschriesling in Austria is not to be confused with the Riesling of Germany, which is called Riesling Renano in Italy. But there is a Riesling in Austria that should not be confused with the true German Johannisburg Riesling, which is known by the name Rheinriesling, aka Olasz in Hungary.

Ugni Blanc or St. Emilion (not the AOC in Bordeaux) in Cognac and Armagnac is called Trebbiano in Italy with the exception of in Tuscany and Umbria where it can be called Procanico. But don’t call Trebbiano d’Abruzzo Trebbiano because in actuality it is the grape Bombino of the Abruzzo.

Every now and again people comment about how much fun it would be to study the subject of wine implying that studying about wine includes the constant consumption of wine. All I can do is think about explaining what really goes into studying about wine (see above) and then I decide against it and say, “You got that right!” with a conspiratorial wink.

Oh and a quick hint about Greek grape names, if the name of the grape has a lot of X’s or multiple K’s of the word tiko or mavro imbedded somewhere in the name, it is a grape grown in Greece.

OY!

"Oh bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures!"

Alex in A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Santé

Wisconsin's first Master Sommelier Candidate

Since August of 2004, I have had a bug. That is when I took the introductory course for the Court of Master Sommeliers and passed it. And I passed it only missing two of the 80ish questions. OMG did I know about wine or what! I thought I knew it all. I only missed two questions!!!

Subsequently, I have applied to take the advanced certification three times. There now exists a certification level that is a requirement to pass and then wait a year before you can even apply for the advanced certification, but I took the first before that was implemented.

The first time I applied for the advanced I was turned down because I hadn’t waited the pre-requisite year, but even knowing that I was crushed. I only missed TWO of the questions! Didn’t they know that?

The second time I applied, I was accepted and I promptly set up shop to study, study, study. And to my credit I really did study. I wrote note cards, filled notebooks with my illegible handwriting with all of the things I though were necessary to study to pass THIS test, only missing two questions. I got to San Francisco in October of 2006 and after the first day of lectures and tastings, I knew I was in big trouble.

First of all to pass this you have to pass theory... this is where you hear the DUH DUH DUH DUH music that indicates that this is by far the hardest part of it. Then there is the service test. This test involves going to three different stations to perform some aspect of service while being grilled about vintages and food pairing and such. There is a decanting station where you get grilled about Bordeaux or Burgundy vintages. A champagne opening station where you get asked about up coming champagne vintages and answer questions about aperitifs. And then a station where you perform banquet style putting down of glasses (correct ones that is) while you get grilled about food pairings. Whew!

You also have to blind taste six wines in front of three Master Sommeliers and deductively (yea sure) guess exactly what they are and where they are from to the pinpointed appellation.

I knew I was sunk. But I valiantly carried on trying to memorize in the few hours between the end of the lecture and the next day, all of the things I barley touched on in all of my studying thinking my knowledge (remember I only missed TWO questions) would be enough. WRONG!

“But now I see our lances are but straws; our strength as weak, our weakness pass compare...that seeming to be most, which we indeed least are....” as the beautiful Kate tells her maidens in the final soliloquy of The Taming of the Shrew. She was of course talking about men and sex but I heard those words loud and clear when I sat down to take the theory, looked at the questions and realized I would probably be leaving allot of questions blank. My lance was so a straw!

OK so the times comes to the individual evaluations after all three sections and then the giving out of the big green pins to those who did indeed study all of the right things. I was told I passed blind tasting and service but obviously I did not study the right things and so subsequently I did not get the big green pin.

The reality is the Court of Master Sommeliers is their club and if you want to be a member you have to follow their rules, and their rules are you must know EVERYTHING, they certainly do. Some of the Masters that taught the classes I found out tried five or six times to pass the Masters level. One of them jokingly said that if you pass the Masters on your first try, you get a special designation called the Krug cup. She said that after the six times she tried to pass, her designation was called the Schlitz cup. But now she is one so who am I to be bitter.

Fast forward to August 6^th - 10^th of 2007. I took it again in Chicago, and passed. This time I knew what I had to know, I had some confidence in the blind tasting because I had passed it before and service, well I am all about service! If I strive to move on, even getting the Schlitz cup will be great with me.

“Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot, and place you hands below you husbands foot. In token of which duty, if he please, my hand is ready, may it do him ease” Then Petruchio spouts “Why there’s a wench - Come on and kiss me Kate!” Ah Shakespeare, she definitely got the cutest guy by doing what she had to do despite her pride. And me, well I got the big green pin becoming the first person in Wisconsin to take and pass the advanced certification with the Court of Master Sommeliers and possibly be the first Master Sommelier in this state.

Santé!